The city is a living organism that is constantly updating. Many Zhytomyr residents live in different parts of the world today, but new ones are appearing and becoming Zhytomyr citizens in spirit. One of them is Yulia Kovtonyuk, who has merged with the city in a short time. We talked to her about life «before» and «after», taking care of yourself and fighting emotional burnout

«Until recently, I lived in the small town of Ukrainka near Kyiv. For a while, I was a self-taught journalist, working on local television: writing texts, interviewing, filming news with a cameraman. When we had the Youth Parliament, we were looking for representatives. And I, a young specialist, was invited there as a volunteer. A year later, my friends and I registered a public organization, and for the next seven years I headed it. But everything has its advantages – this field of activity has given a good experience in crisis management: I know how to «steer» when there is nothing, but you need to create something for people in extreme conditions. I also met cool people»

«Social activities are exhausting… Now I have transferred my service to people to another field – healing. There is a parable about a boy who collected starfish thrown by the tide on the coast. And someone tells him, «Why are you doing this? You will not save everyone!» To whom the boy replied: «I will not save everyone. But whoever I save, they will definitely live». The situation is similar with me: I help, but in a different way»

«After life’s trials came the realization that you need to use your own resources carefully. When systematic overloads became apparent, I became very ill and had to change my field of activity»
«A person is ready to fight, get up with a fever and run only when he is terribly convinced of something, when his personal value has been affected. If a person is really in pain, he gets up and starts rowing. And you will always see the difference between a person who «hurts» and who is paid to stand with a flag. I believe that people should be guided by values»

«Why do I love community service? Firstly, you do what others thought was impossible, or you set crazy goals for yourself and achieve them. After that, you feel great as you have pumped up the skill. Secondly, social things are close to me. And when you see that something from a minus has turned into a plus, regardless of the importance of the situation, you also get pleasure from it. And I also like to reveal people`s talents while talking to people and then see how they managed to do something»

«With every tired Ukrainian woman who comes to me, we communicate on any topic. Sometimes we talk about family problems, complexes regarding appearance, and so on. Our society ruthlessly claims the standards of beauty 60-90-60, which spoils the lives of women. Or we are talking about harassment by men at home, sometimes a woman stealthily comes for a massage. I aim my clients to focus on their own values, their feelings and well-being. And if they feel comfortable, then you do not need to adjust to other people’s standards and opinions»

«Everyone has a starting position from which we come into this world. It is important to take responsibility for your life – you do not need to look for the guilty in your problems. In fact, this starting position depends not only on money, but on whether there is a resource to make money. Can a person dare to do what he wants, will this activity bring money and pleasure? When women find this resource in themselves, of course they can do everything. So now I am helping women to delve into this state of resource search, but the man himself must need it. There must come an awareness that concrete steps need to be taken to make life better. The «bad» condition is the crutches that are needed to support life, and they will be needed until a woman feels that she can change something herself. Strong women are very common. However, they themselves do not understand how strong they really are»

«I was an excellent student from school, I went to competitions, I wrote such works that teachers cried. And then I got married. It didn’t work out. And when I divorced, I had a two-year-old child in my arms and there was absolutely nowhere to live. I didn’t go to my parents – I felt that I had to solve my problems. And where should I go at such a moment? I went to the vocational school dormitory, on the fifth floor, where the shower was on the first floor and the water was at the end of the corridor. But despite the bad conditions, I was thrilled to finally live my life. I still thank those people who were nearby. After that, I grew psychologically and took responsibility for everything that happened to me. Despite many difficulties, there is always external support in the form of friends who will help with advice or look after the child, or bring up your inner core. And you can really do everything – just try. It was difficult for me to decide and start a massage: the «crown» of a civil servant pressed so well, and it seemed that it was a step backwards. It wasn’t easy to dare, but a lot of good things happened to me after that»

«I constantly had to learn something in my life, and it was not easy at all. I went to study at the Kyiv Polytechnic Institute when my child was four years old. However, women always have a stronger responsibility: today you can cry on a pillow, and tomorrow you can take your child to kindergarten and go to work»

«We have all grown in different generations, and stereotypes have been around for a long time, we all suffer from them. And not only women, men too. Here, for example, is the stereotype that men do not cry. It is necessary to understand the change of views on things, a specific situation. I’m teaching my younger son to name the emotions he feels because it’s important for a person’s mental health»

«Now I know that in order to prevent emotional burnout, you first need to «ground yourself»: if you feel that you do not have the strength and motivation, it is better to lie down, do what you can, what you have enough resources for. And then from time to time you need to go deeper into yourself to understand what you would like to be able to choose. And not only to work for money, but also to fantasize: «What could I do and what I would like to do?» Then analyze resources, both internal and external. That is, you need to dare to do what the soul is, to surround yourself with people who share similar values, that is, to create your own world»

«During quarantine restrictions, it is difficult when you do not have an action plan. I used to plan, execute and achieve everything, but it was very difficult. Instead, in such circumstances, other skills arise: adaptability, flexibility. And they are very useful. During the quarantine, I started conducting webinars about self-massage, created a support group on the social network for those who do not want to gain weight in quarantine, and finally gained useful experience and advice from people»

«I moved to Zhytomyr recently – six years ago. For me, it was just an abyss between worlds: in my city I had everything and knew everything, and here I had to start over. I like to communicate, and here I could communicate only on the playground and not always, so I suffered from a lack of communication. But then I started finding friends»

«The only thing I miss is the improvement that exists in Ukrainka. An elementary example is the urns that are there at every step. In Zhytomyr, a playground has been built near the new house, and there is no urn. I did not see a single urn on the reconstructed embankment in Shoduarivsky Park. I suffer from it and I can’t get used to it»

«But there are other good things in Zhytomyr. My son in the seventh grade went to school 36, and I saw that they prefer the content of education, not like it was in Ukrainka. In Zhytomyr, it is emphasized that education should be of high quality: interesting and accessible teaching of information, two free foreign languages. I also like the fact that I can come to the theater on foot and visit the premiere in Zhytomyr. And close to work – you can walk on foot too. Territorially it is much more convenient here. Class events are held in Zhytomyr, which are strategically extremely important and correct: space charging, marathons, which form a healthy attitude to your body, environmental friendliness, environment. I really like Hydropark – we walk with my son there in any weather. I like that alcohol is not sold there, and people there just rest their souls and bodies»

«When you, working, satisfy personal needs, do not destroy your own values, it leads to harmony. You can’t change the whole world or make people be kind to each other, but you can create your own microcosm, where there will be respect, tolerance, care for each other»